Thursday, March 29, 2007

The Miracle Machine




Swedish scientists have developed what will immediately be accepted the world over as the most incredible invention in the history of humanity. Dubbed “The Miracle Machine” the device can potentially solve every single problem, conflict and conundrum on planet earth or beyond.

On such global conflicts as religious/cultural strife, resource scarcity, poverty, disease—all of which underlie international hostilities—the EQAO 8888 Harmonizer can bring immediate and lasting results. Likewise, the Harmonizer can resolve interpersonal conflicts and individual troubles.

The Harmonizer requires only one ingredient to enable its miraculous powers to take effect: the mutual agreement of all parties about whom any particular conflict, problem or crises affects. The agreement that is necessary is not over what the solution may eventually be, as the Harmonizer will take care of that with 100% effectiveness. No, the agreement is solely one of mutual will and mutual decision to hand the problem over to the Harmonizer for resolution.

“This is a great day for humanity,” said Kaj Sigridsson who directed the project funded by the Swedish government. The Swedish delegation’s first test was the ongoing slaughter in Darfur. Over 20 different factions had to be convinced to sign the dispute over to the Harmonizer. Rebel leader Joseph Mahhaali was typical: “I laugh and said, ‘why not, we can kill tomorrow’ so I give machine our problem today.”

Little did anyone realize just how successful the Harmonizer would prove to be. Instantly the warring parties dropped their arms. Soldiers were reported standing in confusion right where they stood in their killing field, bewildered about why they were there and what they were doing. Many are undergoing counseling and treatment in the aftermath of the shock of learning what they had done over the last few years. Peace, production and progress have replaced the fear-induced hate.

What was once a land of scarcity became overnight one of abundance as they all discovered the magic of sharing, an occurrence that grabbed the attention of third world leaders. Lesotho Prime Minister Mugambe Makakole echoed third world sentiment; “We are so grateful for the Harmonizer and are ready to use it for our mutual benefit.”

However, not everybody greeted the Good News of the Harmonizer’s capabilities with the solid confidence and optimism its founders had hoped for. British PM Harold Fitzugh spoke for many of the G-8 countries: “This could be great news indeed for conflict resolution, but we’ll have to gauge its effectiveness on smaller affairs to see if it stands the test of time.”

Margaret O’Bannon, spokesman for United States President Vesper Scelero, said that while the Harmonizer looks promising “We will need to see what we’d have to sacrifice vis-à-vis other nations in order to determine how it will benefit our long term interests.”

Swedish Prime Minister Nils von Lundeberg was incredulous over the west’s skepticism: “The Miracle Machine WORKS! All that any nation, any person, any entity need do is agree to let it do its job of bringing harmony where there’s discord, peace where war, plenty where need, joy where gloom and it will achieve it. How can they not see this and accept its gift—a gift through the hands of man, but a gift from God who used those hands I am sure.”

The Harmonizer continues to work wonders for the many who have petitioned its use. Unfortunately some of the world’s most rancid lesions fester unabated while doubt and cynicism seemingly paralyze the hearts and minds of its most powerful players.

No comments: