I’ve been reading a lot of positive attitude stuff lately. Not necessarily searching for it, more just by chance—an article here, a long lost book there. So I woke up today and said to myself, “Say YES to everything, act positively and with faith and make people HAPPY!”
My morning run, shower and shave refreshed my body as my mind was full of joyous optimism, and off to work I drove! Greeting co-workers on the way to my office, a steamy cup of coffee by my side I fired up the laptop to check the morning mail. What’s this—“Please help the hungry in Botswana, YOUR donation of $16.50 will provide a bowl of rice for a YEAR for a starving child…” “YES” I said, and gladly responded with my credit card payment.
Ah, my vendor friend writes, leads off with a joke…what’s that—FUNNY! —Uh oh, here it comes… "Please confirm that order for the purple suits with the yellow stripe—after all, you said you wanted to be different,” he pled. “Sure” I responded, and add the purple pants to boot. Oy ve! How did HE know this was my day to say yes?
Next email, from a saintly, sweet-sounding lass who I did not recognize named Christina St. Marie, but she seemed to know me for she wrote in the subject line “Hello Richard!” So I opened it up to see GENERIC VIAGARA—GETTHETASTEOFGENUINESEXUALPLEASURE. Well, this is your lucky day, Christina, here’s my order. Another came from Tiffany with a cryptic subject line promising MALE ENHANCEMENT, HUGE, NIRVANA blah blah. Hello! This was my day to say yes after all
Then there was one from Buffy,”YOUR Cialis order ready to ship.” It is? Great, and boy was my American Express getting a workout today. Then Angel Gonzalez emailed me, another stranger, but such a nice greeting in the subject line, “Richard I miss you”, so I opened it to find, SUPER HOT EXPLICIT BABES WAITING TO -----YOUR----.” Come on, I thought, what timing, first Viagra, then “Male enhancement” followed by Cialis, now this—but what choice did I have. I had a feeling that more than my credit card would be getting a workout.
The emails poured in, as if they all knew Richard Dawahare must say yes today. There were the political campaigns, “Say yes to Ralph Nader,” “Tell Hillary you’re for her!” “Sign on to Obama.” Then the moment of truth, “Support Senator McCain. Oy ve, okay, OKAY, yes, yes YES to you all! . I even responded to an email in Russian, I have no idea what, can you translate “Клиентская поддержка”? I dunno, but I responed “Da!” Lord knows what I did, but I was consistent at least.
And of course, I got three free credit scores, lowered my debt twice, opened four more checking accounts and started buying various “meds” from a trusted new on-line pharmacy, for they warned, “YourLocalDrugStroesDon'TSellMedsWitohutPrecsrpition?” Good thing today was my day to say yes or I’d have never answered such a helpful, potentially life-saving offer. Bless them!
Once on the streets there were the usual askers of help, who I never refuse. Good lord, did they know, too, that I was bound to say “yes”? Would they ask this day for a small fortune? With joy and relief did I answer, “Sure!” to a request for $5 and another for spare change.
Then there were the petition drives. First, a drive to impeach Bush and Cheney. Then one to restore voting rights to released felons. There was a Pro Peace, Pro Israel, Anti-divestment petition, then a Pro Peace, Pro Palestinian, end the Occupation petition just down the street. I signed them all, for this was my day to say YES!
My morning run, shower and shave refreshed my body as my mind was full of joyous optimism, and off to work I drove! Greeting co-workers on the way to my office, a steamy cup of coffee by my side I fired up the laptop to check the morning mail. What’s this—“Please help the hungry in Botswana, YOUR donation of $16.50 will provide a bowl of rice for a YEAR for a starving child…” “YES” I said, and gladly responded with my credit card payment.
Ah, my vendor friend writes, leads off with a joke…what’s that—FUNNY! —Uh oh, here it comes… "Please confirm that order for the purple suits with the yellow stripe—after all, you said you wanted to be different,” he pled. “Sure” I responded, and add the purple pants to boot. Oy ve! How did HE know this was my day to say yes?
Next email, from a saintly, sweet-sounding lass who I did not recognize named Christina St. Marie, but she seemed to know me for she wrote in the subject line “Hello Richard!” So I opened it up to see GENERIC VIAGARA—GETTHETASTEOFGENUINESEXUALPLEASURE. Well, this is your lucky day, Christina, here’s my order. Another came from Tiffany with a cryptic subject line promising MALE ENHANCEMENT, HUGE, NIRVANA blah blah. Hello! This was my day to say yes after all
Then there was one from Buffy,”YOUR Cialis order ready to ship.” It is? Great, and boy was my American Express getting a workout today. Then Angel Gonzalez emailed me, another stranger, but such a nice greeting in the subject line, “Richard I miss you”, so I opened it to find, SUPER HOT EXPLICIT BABES WAITING TO -----YOUR----.” Come on, I thought, what timing, first Viagra, then “Male enhancement” followed by Cialis, now this—but what choice did I have. I had a feeling that more than my credit card would be getting a workout.
The emails poured in, as if they all knew Richard Dawahare must say yes today. There were the political campaigns, “Say yes to Ralph Nader,” “Tell Hillary you’re for her!” “Sign on to Obama.” Then the moment of truth, “Support Senator McCain. Oy ve, okay, OKAY, yes, yes YES to you all! . I even responded to an email in Russian, I have no idea what, can you translate “Клиентская поддержка”? I dunno, but I responed “Da!” Lord knows what I did, but I was consistent at least.
And of course, I got three free credit scores, lowered my debt twice, opened four more checking accounts and started buying various “meds” from a trusted new on-line pharmacy, for they warned, “YourLocalDrugStroesDon'TSellMedsWitohutPrecsrpition?” Good thing today was my day to say yes or I’d have never answered such a helpful, potentially life-saving offer. Bless them!
Once on the streets there were the usual askers of help, who I never refuse. Good lord, did they know, too, that I was bound to say “yes”? Would they ask this day for a small fortune? With joy and relief did I answer, “Sure!” to a request for $5 and another for spare change.
Then there were the petition drives. First, a drive to impeach Bush and Cheney. Then one to restore voting rights to released felons. There was a Pro Peace, Pro Israel, Anti-divestment petition, then a Pro Peace, Pro Palestinian, end the Occupation petition just down the street. I signed them all, for this was my day to say YES!
I opened new charge accounts at Target and Meijer’s, redeemed coupon offers for products I never use, including for feminine hygiene and makeup removal. And in the mall I even stopped at the “Dead Sea” skin care kiosk and said “Yes” to the girl with the big smile--the one I just knew was reserved exclusively for me--as she asked “Pardon me sir, can I ask you a question?” I Gave her my hand and let her rub it raw with the so-called healing salts. Lucky for me that she didn’t ask me to buy anything, only to ask if she could try that sandpaper substance on my hand.
The day was ending and I thought I’d said my last ‘yes’ when in the car ride home Dave Oreck asked me to try the Oreck XL for a free test. Yes! I said as I jotted down the number, even though I have a Beam central vac system.
Now, while I go with fate and whatever karma holds, I do subscribe to the philosophy that God helps those who help themselves. So in order to avoid any further opportunities to say ‘yes’ I switched from the AM to commercial-free FM public radio. To prove that there is NO escaping Karma the last thing I heard just before the whirr of the garage door closing was, “So PLEASE, call in your pledge NOW…”
In all it was a day of liberation—‘YES’ to all, without prejudice or judgment, remorse or elation. For today at least I had all the answers and great peace of mind.
Yes I did.
1 comment:
Hysterical. Thanks for the belly laughs, one right after another.
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